I’ve had a lot of emotions the last few days. Most of which stem from my pending divorce. I know it’s been done before. I know divorce is super common, especially now that women are empowered to make decisions for themselves. I am still experiencing so much emotional pain I can barely stand it.
Right now I am grieving my marriage. I’m grieving the fact that the vows I said, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, etc. were not enough to save my marriage. I’m grieving the fact that my children won’t get to see both of their parents every day. I’m grieving the fact that the man I envisioned myself growing old with is probably going to grow old with someone else. I’m grieving the fact that I may not have a loving relationship again for a very long time. I’m grieving the life I knew and was comfortable with.
No matter how much logic you put into the divorce process or my marriage failing I will continue to grieve and it will continue to hurt. I know that maybe someday it won’t hurt so much and the pain I feel today will fade. Maybe it will be in a few months, or a few years. Whatever the case may be, in the meantime regardless of the logic I will continue to hurt.
I will try to focus on the fact that I no longer am criticized daily. I will try to focus on my newly formed independence. I will try to focus on the life I can build for myself and my children. I will try to focus on my personal goals and career goals. I will try to focus on the life ahead of me. I will try to focus on building my relationship with God.
As much as I look forward and try to focus on the good things ahead, I continue to grieve. I know these feelings are normal. I know for me to make a real change and grow emotionally I have to go through the good and the bad. Even if I wish I could fast forward to a year from now, I will accept the experience as it comes.