My plans for tonight: a quiet night reading and maybe a movie. The kids are with their father. My work week ended successfully. It’s time for me to decompress.
A friend asks me to go out. I decline. After a work week of networking and having more networking to do this weekend, my introverted soul REALLY needed the time to decompress.
I read a little in Grit to Great for my book club. I start planning my morning- have to be at an event by 9:30- so I have to plan on 9:00 because nothing ever goes smoothly. I start looking at movies- I pick P.S. I love you. Because apparently I want to torture myself.
I say torture because I’m getting a divorce. And I’m not seeing anyone. And I know I’m not ready to date yet. And watching a movie about love and loving someone after death when my own marriage, that was SUPPOSED to last until death, was ending pre-maturely. I’m watching a movie about love and death and feeling the death of love.
I want to believe in happy endings. I want to believe that I will be stronger after everything. I know time heals wounds of the heart. It can be sooo hard to feel like there is a happy ending coming when you feel so much pain. And no matter how many times I say it or someone else says it, knowing that I will feel better with time does not change how I feel in the moment.
I will never like that I am going through this, but I will accept that this is now a part of my life’s journey. And while I’ve heard things like life/success is not a destination, but a journey, I could use an accelerator on this particular part of my journey since it does not feel like success. Or at least it would be nice if the clouds broke up a bit and showed me the rainbow I’m waiting for. So I had a quiet night in to sort out my thoughts.