Divorce is tough. Even when you find a way to agree on everything, there are still so many emotions to process. Last night I went out hoping to have a good time with some friends. Former neighbors of mine who are still neighbors with my ex. I have felt so much love and support from my family, his family, and even all of our mutual friends. Last night I had a taste for what it’s like when someone chooses sides and that side isn’t yours. Man does it hurt. Sometimes all it takes is a single word or sentence. For me all it took was “I don’t like you. Don’t talk to me.” That broke me last night. With all the love and support I’ve had over the last 5 months, I was shocked – I hadn’t experienced this yet. I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to share this because this is real.
The face of divorce is uncontrollable emotions and feelings. The face of divorce is being up ALL NIGHT bawling sleeping on someone’s couch. The face of divorce is living in a house that is not your home. The face of divorce is not pretty. It is flooded with tears and snot. The face of divorce is feeling like a constant failure. It is thinking you might start to be getting the hang of it. It is thinking you’ll have fun with friends and turning into water works. It is making other people uncomfortable because there is nothing they can say or do to help. The face of divorce is panicking when you see your ex’s new significant other parked in what used to be your driveway and having a near panic attack. This is the face of texting almost all of your friends at 1am because just when you thought you were fine with things you realize you are not and you need someone to save you. My face. My face with puffy eyes full of tears and snot from something like 8 solid hours of crying. My face is the face of divorce. It hurts. It is messy. I wouldn’t wish these feelings on an enemy.