OK. I get it. Divorce actually kind of sucks. It breaks up a family. It causes financial and other instability. On top of the costly legal stuff and the emotional turmoil. People need to really consider what divorce means before they go through with it.
Let me say, I did initiate my divorce, and as such I don’t know the pain of being left by my spouse. I recognize there is a very deep pain involved that I haven’t experienced, and I sympathize with those who wish things were different. There is, however, a lot to my story. Some of my story I laid out in other blog posts that you’re free to read if you so choose. Let me explain why, in my perspective, divorce is awesome.
I read this blog post today. It breaks my heart. Even more heart breaking are some of the comments. It doesn’t break my heart that the woman wants an abortion. What breaks my heart is that she thinks her being and becoming a mom forces her to stay in a relationship that is unsatisfying to her. Sure, they’re married and do “married people” things, and married people occasionally get pregnant. Though, so do unmarried people. Getting pregnant doesn’t mean you’re happy or satisfied with life.
I knew her pain of staying in a relationship past its expiration. Though she doesn’t say anything about emotional abuse, and says she is bored, some of the comments on the post came from people in clearly abusive relationships. I stayed in an emotionally abusive relationship for FAR TOO LONG. 11 years.
Looking back on my marriage, it was torture. Not the whole marriage. The beginning was OK. But it kept getting worse. I was waiting for the light to start shining. Maybe if I did this different or that different. Maybe having a second kid. Maybe if I got my education and got a better job. I continued to lie to myself that I had some type of control over it. I didn’t. The only control I had was whether I decided to stay.
I had the choice to leave.
Let me rephrase that, in case you missed it.
I was able to leave.
So I did. I worked on healing. I worked on my career. I worked on showing my kids the best parts of me and showing them love. I also let them see how hard it was for me. I made an active decision to not physically punish my children for misbehavior. I truly feel like I am living my best life. I have never been happier or had more confidence. I was able to leave.
Before I left, I lived in limbo, like the woman who wrote that blog post. Every day I wondered why I ended up in that situation. Why the person I was trying to love would treat me like that. Treat his kids like that. While I won’t ever know the pain and loneliness the writer must feel of being pregnant, married, and wanting an abortion, I can tell you I have absolutely felt trapped the way she does. And I know sooooo many people who have felt like that before. And I know too many people who still feel like that. And I know people who very recently broke free from that. Let me tell you, being a prisoner in your own life, the life you’ve chosen for yourself, it is absolute hell. But there is an escape.
So yeah, divorce sucks. But it is also awesome. Divorce is the escape from being imprisoned in your own life. Divorce gave me success. Divorce gave me a fabulous home. Divorce gave my children a wonderful school with teachers who care. Divorce helps me sleep at night. Divorce helped cure my daily headaches. Divorce allowed me to buy myself flowers without being accused of infidelity. Divorce is why I am happy.
Divorce also gave me a FANTASTIC relationship with a wonderful man. Divorce gave my children the opportunity to see their mother in a healthy relationship. And divorce will show my kids that they do not ever in their life have to be stuck. Divorce showed my kids that they are able to decide how they want to live their life.
Perhaps I’m giving divorce too much credit. I did a lot of hard work. But make no mistake, divorce IS awesome, if you need it.
And if you don’t need it? Be happy that there are people in the world, like me, who have an escape. While it may take some of us over a decade (possibly multiple decades) to use our escape, it is important that the path remain intact.